


13.02

by babybrotherdean



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s13e02 The Rising Son, Gen, Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 02:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12423282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babybrotherdean/pseuds/babybrotherdean
Summary: For every second that Jack spends with them, it becomes a little bit harder for Dean not to see him as just another kid.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling emo about Dean after the episode, so here's this thing that tries to articulate it.

For every second that Jack spends with them, it becomes a little bit harder for Dean not to see him as just another kid.

Sam’s just making it harder, too. He’s always been stubborn, but the way he insists on their resident hellspawn being good- it’s starting to get to Dean, really dig in deep where he’d really rather be left alone. It brings up memories that are still a little too fresh, even though nearly a decade has passed since he had to watch his brother struggle with his own power and, for at least a brief time, lose.

Dean doesn’t want to watch that happen again. He’s trying really damn hard not to let it.

Jack’s making it hard, too, though- watching cartoons and copying him and acting every bit the curious child, with only brief lapses in control that reveal what he is and what he can do; those are the moments that keep Dean on track, at least. The ones that scare him out of a softer mindset. 

_He’s scared to death of what he is. And he’s scared of you!_

Sam’s words hit a little too hard and Dean’s left choking down guilt after that particular confrontation. Jack shouldn’t be scared of anything, not with the power to level cities at the tips of his fingers. Dean isn’t being too harsh. He’s keeping the  _kid_ \- fuck, he’s keeping  _it_  at arm’s length, and he isn’t going to get attached, because he knows how this ends, these things always end in more pain, because that’s what happens when he slips up and starts letting the black and white seep into grey-

It doesn’t make it any fucking easier to walk in on Jack testing his own healing powers, and all Dean can see is some scared, confused teenager with a bloody knife.

He doesn’t mean to make Jack the same promise he made Sam, all those years ago. The promise he made his father on his deathbed. The promise that Castiel made to him, when the Mark was driving him to the edge; the promise that says  _I’ll do it. I’ll be the one to end it._

He doesn’t mean to think of Jack as anything other than a problem, than a thing, but it gets harder by the fucking second.

A very small part of Dean hopes that his brother is right. Prays for it, even, shouts to Chuck and Amara and whoever else is listening for Sam to please,  _please_ be right about this one. Dean wants to be wrong so fucking badly, but more than that- more than he wants Jack to be good, he wants his family to be safe. He doesn’t want to lose Sam because of trusting the devil’s son, not when it’s already stolen away everyone else that he cares about.

There’s no more room for grey in his life anymore. Not when the only person he has left to lose is the one he needs so desperately to protect. To keep by his side, living and breathing, at any and all costs. It’s worth the ache and it’s worth the guilt. 

Jack  _should_  be scared of him. Just as soon as he figures out how to kill a nephilim-

At least then, he won’t have to struggle with looking the kid in the eyes anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Sam, looking at Jack sometimes feels uncomfortably like looking straight into a mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote another tiny thing and thought I'd just tack it on here. Featuring Sam, this time.

 

For Sam, looking at Jack sometimes feels uncomfortably like looking straight into a mirror.

Jack’s ongoing struggle with his powers and how scared he seems to be of hurting someone hit too damn close to home, bringing back painful memories of Sam’s own past and how hard he’s had to fight to leave it all behind; it only worsens for how thoroughly Dean’s convinced himself of the kid being evil, and has him slipping into old fears about being hated and abandoned by the most important person in his life.

_He’s scared of you!_

Maybe that’s what makes it so easy to sympathize with Jack. Maybe that’s why it’s so easy to lay it all out for Dean and explain what the kid is feeling; to pick apart exactly what Dean’s rejection and coldness is doing to him. It would almost be funny how similar their situations were, if it wasn’t so painful to think about. Especially when, despite it all, Jack still seems to have taken to Dean like a baby bird to its mother, hitting another tender spot in Sam’s chest while he watches them interact. Watches the way that Jack copies Dean’s every move for as long as he can get away with it, and Sam can’t really help but smile, because he just-

_I’ve been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother._

He knows the feeling.

And hell, maybe he should be hurt by that, somehow- hurt by Jack latching onto Dean that way, when Sam’s the one who’s been trying so hard to help him, but he thinks that even if he tried- he gets it. Maybe it’s the little brother in him, but Sam can’t begrudge somebody for looking up to Dean and trying so hard to gain his approval. He can’t fault Jack for being such a striking parallel to his younger self, and he can’t protect himself from the ache he feels as it all plays out before his eyes, forcing him to imagine what might’ve happened all those years ago if Dean had loved him a little bit less.

_He said that I might have to kill you, Sammy._

He just hopes to God that he can convince Dean that Jack is worth the same effort now. With Heaven and Hell against them and nobody else left in the world, he needs his big brother on his side.  _Jack_ needs Dean on his side, desperately, if things are going to end in his favour.

They both need their big brother right now. It’s just a matter of convincing Dean that it’s worth the risk of being hurt again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <33

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! <33


End file.
